There comes a moment, usually quiet, usually overdue, when you realize, “I’ve been pouring into everyone and everything but myself.”
And it’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just noticing how you’re always tired. Or how your to-do list is full, but your soul feels empty. That’s the wake-up call. That’s often the first sign that you need to learn how to prioritize yourself, not as an afterthought, not when the stars align, but as the main character in your own life.
Let’s talk about what that actually looks like. Not the Pinterest version with matcha lattes and silk robes (though, love that for you), but the messy, empowering, everyday decision to choose you.
Understanding how to prioritize yourself in real life means being willing to de-center anything and anyone that’s draining, performative, or no longer aligned.
Why Prioritizing Yourself Isn’t Selfish, It’s Survival
Let me be real: we were not taught to choose ourselves. Especially if you’re a woman, especially if you’re Black, especially if you’re used to being the responsible one. The “I got it” friend. The overachiever. The fixer. We internalize this idea that our worth comes from how much we give. But what happens when there’s nothing left to give?
Learning how to prioritize yourself means reclaiming your energy. It’s the refusal to be a supporting character in your own story. When you prioritize yourself, you move from survival mode to intentional living. You stop living by default and start living by design.
That might mean saying no. Disappointing people. Taking up space. Asking for what you need. And at first, it might feel awkward or even painful, but I promise, on the other side of that discomfort is peace.
Signs You’re Due for a Realignment
Sometimes we don’t even realize how off-center we are until life forces us to slow down. If you’re experiencing any of these, it might be time to rethink how to prioritize yourself in your daily life:
- You’re constantly tired, even after rest
- You feel resentful of your commitments
- You’re overwhelmed, but can’t name why
- You dread things you used to enjoy
- You feel disconnected from yourself
These are symptoms of emotional burnout, not personal failure. And they’re often rooted in living out of alignment, prioritizing obligations, people-pleasing, or toxic patterns instead of your own well-being.
If you do find yourself becoming overly stressed out with life, check out my post, How to handle stress naturally and reclaim your time. There may be some tricks in there that you can try out to help manage the stress.
De-Centering What No Longer Serves You
This part? Whew. This is where the work gets real.De-centering is one of the most powerful ways to practice how to prioritize yourself without completely burning your life down. It’s about no longer giving front-row seats to things that make you small.
Here’s what that can look like:
- De-centering other people’s opinions. You do not need to earn your worth through approval. Release the mental committee of voices telling you who you’re “supposed” to be.
- De-centering hustle culture. You are not your productivity. You are allowed to rest, to be soft, to just be.
- De-centering aesthetics over authenticity. Stop performing perfection. Let your life be yours, not a curated highlight reel for other people to scroll through.
- De-centering scarcity mindsets. You are not behind. Your timeline is not broken. There is still time to become everything you desire.
This shift doesn’t always look glamorous. It can mean blocking a number, leaving a group chat, or quietly letting go of something you thought you wanted because it no longer feels aligned.
But every time you choose yourself, you come home to who you really are.
Creating a Life Where You Are the Center
This doesn’t mean becoming selfish or isolating yourself. It means recognizing that when you take care of you, your peace, your joy, and your vision, everything else flows from there. This is the heart of how to prioritize yourself in a way that’s sustainable, not isolating.
Here are a few ways I’m learning to prioritize myself daily (even in small ways):
1. Protect Your Evenings
After work I go right the gym, not because I always want to, but because the gym brings me clarity after a long day of working with so many different personalities as a teacher. It’s my time to stop overthinking about the day’s events and decompress. Get some dopamine flowing and release the things that didn’t go right.
If you are looking to get into the gym but feel like you don’t have enough time check out my post, How to Build a Gym Routine with a 9-to-5 (When You’re Exhausted and Over It).
2. Say “No” Without Explaining
You are allowed to simply not want to. Not everything requires a justification. A boundary is a full sentence. This one is hard for me, I know that friendship requires flexibility and sacrifice to some extent but I’m slowly learning where that line is and creating peaceful boundaries in my friendships.
3. Audit Your Energy
I check in weekly: What gave me energy? What drained me? What needs to go? Treat your energy like currency, it’s too expensive to waste. I like to use my digital gratitude journal to track these things, I have a post about how I use my iPad to basically calm my nervous system, and in it I talk about my gratitude journal setup.
4. Choose Joy on Purpose
Schedule joy like it’s a deadline. This is essential when you’re practicing how to prioritize yourself consistently. Go to the bookstore. Light the damn candle. Romanticize the smallest moments. You’re allowed to feel good now, not just when everything’s perfect.
Go to the bookstore. Light the damn candle. Romanticize the smallest moments. I have two blog posts I recommend you check out: How to Romanticize Your Life: Small Rituals That Add to Your Day and Self-Care Activities to Help You Feel Like That Girl Again!
5. Unfollow and Mute Freely
If it triggers insecurity, comparison, or unnecessary noise? Let it go. You don’t have to consume what doesn’t nourish you.
Healing the Guilt of Choosing You
Let’s talk about the guilt, because it will come up. Guilt is a sign that you’re breaking old rules, rules that say “be small,” “be selfless,” “don’t take up too much space.” It doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re growing.
When the guilt hits, ask:
- Who benefits from me feeling guilty right now?
- Is this guilt or just unfamiliar freedom?
The people who love you will adjust. The people who don’t? Their absence will make room for what’s meant.
A Final Reminder: You Are Worthy of Centering
You don’t have to prove your worth through burnout or perform your value to be loved. You are allowed to take up space, put yourself first, and decide how to prioritize yourself in a way that honors who you are becoming.
Prioritizing yourself isn’t a trend. It’s a lifelong love story. One where you choose softness over survival. Alignment over exhaustion. Wholeness over performing.
You don’t need permission. But if you were waiting for a sign, this is it.
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