Figuring out how to make friends as an adult can feel like a full-time job, especially when your group chat is dry and your hobbies are mostly solo. But sometimes the key isn’t doing more… it’s asking better questions. Like, literally asking: “Where do people who love the same nerdy, bookish, or wellness stuff as me actually hang out?”
I’m gonna be real with y’all—I’m not the easiest person to befriend in new social settings. I’ve got a sprinkle of social anxiety, and unless I feel safe in a space, I won’t talk. Not because I don’t want to. It’s just that my body literally won’t let me. My brain is too busy scanning the room, trying to figure out the vibe, calculating how much of myself I can safely bring into the moment.
So yeah, I might come off a little standoffish when I’m in unfamiliar spaces. But that doesn’t mean I don’t crave connection. I’m learning how to make friends as an adult—and what’s the point of a soft life without people to share the joy with?
Recently, I’ve been more intentional about finding friends through my hobbies, and it’s made all the difference. So if you’re socially awkward but still yearning for friendship, especially the kind rooted in shared interests, this post is for you.
Why Making Friends With Similar Interests Matters
Friends with similar hobbies aren’t just fun to be around—they’re motivating, inspiring, and comforting.
-They motivate you to grow
-They keep you accountable
-And lastly, they understand the struggle
Finding people who speak your language (whether that language is anime, running, crafting, books, or gaming) makes your world feel less lonely. Learning how to make friends as an adult often starts with these shared interests that help you connect more naturally.
I have a post all about How Hobbies Boost Self-Esteem: Embracing Passions for Personal Growth. Check it out if you’re interested in learning why it’s so important to embrace your hobbies!
It’s Okay to Have Different Friend Groups for Different Things
Not every friend has to be your ride-or-die. You’re allowed to have what I call “category friends”—each group serves a different (equally valid) purpose in your life.
- My run friends keep me active and inspired. If you want to learn more about my running journey, check out my post, Beginner Running Tips: What I’ve Learned in My First 5 Weeks.
- My sorority sisters (shout out to Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.) are my legacy and service sisters.
- I have my party girls are for the vibes.
- There is my bookish crew keeps me reading and gushing about spicy plots.
- My deep thinkers are my besties.
This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned while figuring out how to make friends as an adult—friendship doesn’t have to fit into one box.
Where to Meet People With Shared Hobbies (Even If You’re Socially Awkward)
Let’s talk about tactics. These strategies work—even if you’re shy or introverted.
1. Ask ChatGPT Where Your People Hang Out
In the age of endless scrolling and social media doom spirals, sometimes we forget the simplest tool we have: asking. Literally. That’s where ChatGPT comes in. If you’re in a new city (or even your hometown but entering a new chapter), you can type something like:
“Where can I find Black girl book clubs in Chicago?”
“Are there any anime watch parties in D.C.?”
“Any chill run clubs in Brooklyn that welcome beginners?”
You’d be surprised how many niche communities already exist—you just need to know the right keywords to find them. Whether it’s a public library hosting book talks, a low-key run club for beginners, or an anime trivia night at a local café, there are people out there who vibe with your interests. You don’t have to force yourself into spaces that don’t feel aligned just to be social.
✨ Pro tip: Ask ChatGPT to list hobby-specific meetups and the best platforms to find them (e.g., Meetup, Eventbrite, Facebook groups, Reddit, even Discord servers). You’re not being “extra”—you’re being intentional.
2. Follow Event-Based Influencers in Your City
This might sound a little unconventional, but stay with me—because this is game-changing. Every city has at least a few creators who basically function as unofficial event curators. They post about where to go, what’s happening this weekend, and how to show up with a little ✨main character energy✨.
Look for hashtags like:
#[YourCity]Events#BlackGirlsWhoBrunch#[City]BookishEvents#NYCRunClubs#DCWellnessEvents
Start following these creators and influencers—not just the ones with a million followers, but the lowkey local gems. They often repost flyers for everything from paint-and-sips to Black-owned business pop-ups to book swaps. And when you see something that sparks interest, save it, screenshot it, and go.
Half the stress of learning how to make friends as an adult is not knowing where to be. You don’t have the built-in community of school anymore. But once you know where the events are happening—and who’s already plugged in—it gets easier to show up without overthinking it.
SA for the bookish babes: If you’re someone who bonds over fictional soulmates and morally gray fae men, don’t sleep on the bookish event scene in your city. Follow those event-based influencers, grab your current read, and go!
Need a rec that’ll ruin you just enough to start a new obsession? I rounded up the best romantasy books that will absolutely destroy you—but in the best, most addictive way. Pack tissues.
3. Go Solo (Yes, Really)
Okay, deep breath. Because I know this one sounds scary—but it’s honestly one of the most transformative things you can do.
Going solo to an event is not a sign that you have no friends. It’s a sign that you’re brave enough to step into new spaces without needing a social buffer. And ironically? People are more likely to approach you when you’re alone. You give off “open to connection” energy. There’s no clique or plus-one they feel like they’d be interrupting.
Some of the best convos I’ve had started with something simple like:
- “Omg, I love your earrings.”
- “Is this your first time at this event?”
- “Do you know anyone here?”
It doesn’t need to be a whole performance. Just your presence—and your willingness to be a little bold—is enough. Plus, solo attendance lets you move on your own time. If you want to leave early or linger and chat, it’s your call.
✨ Pro tip: Treat solo outings as part of your self-care. Get dressed like you’re the main character, grab a coffee on the way, and go in with zero expectations except being present.
4. Use Friendship Apps to Build Your Hobby Circle
Friendship apps like Bumble BFF, Vina, and Meetup are perfect for socially awkward girlies who still want connection. I used Bumble BFF to find brunch and bookish friends. Some stuck around for a season, others became real gems. Be honest in your profile about what you want.
Apps to try:
– Bumble BFF: For brunch friends, party girls, or deeper connections
– Hey! VINA: Tailored toward women seeking emotional connection
– Peanut: This one is great for moms to connect and set up playdates for the kiddos.
– Meetup: Great for joining interest-based local events
These platforms are perfect training wheels for anyone trying to figure out how to make friends as an adult while navigating new spaces and stages in life.
A Note for My Fellow 30-Somethings (Or Almost-There Babes)
Making friends in your 30s is harder, but richer. More grounded. More intentional.
You haven’t met all the people who are going to love you yet. Let friendships flow naturally and don’t overthink who leaves. You deserve light, affirming relationships. Learning how to make friends as an adult is really about giving yourself the grace to start over again, and again, and again.
The most beautiful parts of life aren’t meant to be hoarded alone. Let your hobbies lead you to your people. Let your people become part of your story.
This is your reminder that you’re not behind, and you’re never too late to figure out how to make friends as an adult. It’s awkward, messy, and sometimes exhausting—but it’s worth it every single time.
✨ Don’t Miss a Thing! ✨
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