There’s an ongoing cultural shift happening right now when it comes to pretty privilege and body size. Conversations about self-love and body positivity are louder than ever, but at the same time, we can’t ignore the reality that society still favors smaller bodies. And if we’re being completely honest, a lot of people don’t necessarily want to be healthy—they want to be skinny.
I’ll be real with you—I want both. I want to be strong and healthy, but I also want to be smaller. Not just because of how it makes me feel physically but because, like it or not, pretty privilege and body size dictate how the world treats you. And when you’re thinner, that treatment is noticeably different.
Pretty Privilege and Body Size is a Real Currency
We don’t talk about it enough, but pretty privilege and body size shape so many aspects of our lives, especially for women. It affects how you’re perceived in the workplace, in dating, in social situations, and even in something as simple as customer service. It sounds shallow, but let’s not pretend the world is as progressive as people claim—it’s not.
And it’s not just about being conventionally attractive—it’s about size, too. Society is structured in a way that makes life easier for smaller people. There’s no struggling to find clothes that fit, no second glances when you eat in public, no assumptions that you’re unhealthy just because of your weight. You don’t get dismissed or overlooked the same way. And let’s be honest, we’ve all seen the difference in how people—strangers, coworkers, even friends—treat someone who’s lost weight versus when they were bigger.
That’s not fatphobia—it’s reality.
The Double Standard of Body Positivity and Pretty Privilege
Here’s where it gets tricky. If a woman celebrates being smaller, she’s often accused of being fatphobic. People assume she must have hated herself before or that she’s only happy because she conforms to beauty standards now. But what if she’s just happy? Happy that she’s moving better, feeling better, and, yes, being treated better?
Meanwhile, the women who get praised for being plus-size in mainstream spaces almost always fit a particular mold—they’re curvy in the right ways. The “acceptable” big girls have hourglass figures, small waists, and proportions that align with what society still finds attractive. They get to be celebrated because, despite their size, they still have conventionally desirable body types.
But what about plus-size women who don’t have that shape? The ones who don’t have a tiny waist or exaggerated curves? The ones with broader builds or who carry weight in ways that aren’t fetishized? They don’t get the same level of love. Pretty privilege and body size still determine who gets to be considered attractive, even in body-positive spaces.
The Role of Anti-Blackness in Pretty Privilege and Body Size
We have to talk about the racial aspect of this. The push for thinness isn’t just about diet culture—it’s also rooted in anti-Blackness. Black women, on average, have naturally larger frames and carry weight differently than Eurocentric beauty standards allow. For decades, Black women’s bodies have been scrutinized, policed, and held to impossible standards.
The “ideal” body type constantly shifts, but notice how it often revolves around controlling or modifying features that naturally occur in Black women. Whether it’s the obsession with being rail-thin in the ‘90s and 2000s or the glorification of slim-thick bodies in the 2010s, the underlying message has always been that Black women’s natural bodies—whether too thin, too muscular, or too full—are never quite right.
So yeah, the desire to be smaller can be influenced by internalized fatphobia, but it’s also deeply connected to pretty privilege and body size standards. To exist as a Black woman is to constantly be navigating beauty standards that were never made with us in mind. I have a post that talks a little more about battling self-image as a black woman, titled, How to Feel Beautiful in Your Own Skin: Embrace Confidence & Self-Love.
Fighting the System Looks Different for Everyone
At the same time, there are many ways to push back against this system. You don’t have to remain large to feel like you are doing something. Or maybe you do. That’s up to you. But what you don’t have to do is feel guilty for choosing what makes you happiest.
Some women fight back by staying plus-size and forcing the world to see them, to recognize their beauty, and to make space for them. Others fight back by acknowledging the game and playing it in a way that benefits them. Neither choice makes someone a sellout or less committed to breaking beauty standards—it just means they’ve picked their battles. I have a post about building confidence in yourself using hobbies and other outlets titled, Confidence Through Self-Acceptance: The Nerdy Babe Lifestyle.
We only get one life. You have to decide what hills are worth dying on, and for some women, pretty privilege and body size isn’t one of them. As a Black woman, I already have enough battles to fight without adding another one to the list. I respect women who refuse to shrink for society’s comfort, but I also respect women who want to exist within the system in a way that makes life easier for them. Both can be true.
Self-Love Doesn’t Mean Settling
At the end of the day, I fully support women who embrace their bodies at any size. I applaud plus-size women who live confidently and refuse to shrink themselves for society’s comfort. But for me? I want something different.
And that doesn’t mean I hate bigger bodies. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe in body positivity. It means I understand that the world operates a certain way, and I’m making choices based on what makes me feel good, inside and out.
There’s no shame in wanting to be smaller. There’s no shame in recognizing that pretty privilege and body size dictate how society treats people. And there’s no shame in playing the game in a way that benefits you.
You can love yourself and want to evolve. On the flip side, you can acknowledge the system and make choices that align with your goals. And lastly, you can support all body types and strive for the one that makes you feel best.
Because at the end of the day, self-love isn’t about proving a point—it’s about living in a way that makes you feel the happiest, healthiest, and most confident in your skin. It’s about knowing that the world has its standards but choosing what you want for yourself anyway. Whether that means staying the same, getting stronger, or getting smaller—it’s your body, your choice, and your happiness that matters most.
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